Thursday, July 12, 2012
The Beginning: The Journey
I have posted many places in many forms. I have been known as a leader, a charity case, hopelessly sick, and a bright spot.My hope is that you will be moved to action in your own life or the lives of others. My hope is that you look at my past and instead of pitying me, respect where I've been and rejoice with me as I go forward. My name is Danielle Nicole, I am 25 years old, and my life has changed. Some for the better, some not, but the only "for sure" thing is that I will never be the same. After tube and TPN feedings for a LONG time due to gastroparesis inflicted by 16 years of anorexia nervosa, I completed four weeks inpatient yo re learn how to eat. It was a long and arduous process, fraught with dismay, creation, fear, and friendships, peppered this time IP (I've been in several times) with beautiful mischief. I'm in the midst of discovering who I am and I am so curious but also utterly terrified. I knew who I was as an anorexic, as a sick person. Who am I outside my multiple diagnoses? Who am I outside this piece of medical grade silicone sticking out of my belly. Currently as I sleep my IV pole and feeding pump continue to wath me-silent. I am not using them right now-they sit idle-and I am delaying calling my home health company to come collect them.Aren't I HAPPY that I am eating again? I am ecstatic. I feel like I have my life back :)- yet I am so scared that I will be so lost without them. Along with the rest of my medical supplies. I was spending all my money on medical supplies not covered by my Medicaid. Now I spend my money nervously in a grocery store, unsure of what to buy and not entirely sure of what I like to eat. In the hospital we found I have a hard time digesting meat, so I used a lot of milk and egg products for protein. Now that I'm out and doing my own research on nutrition I am finding that we do not need as much protein as the ADA claims we do. After relying solely on milk based formula for a number of years and not only being sick all the time but also bring an emotional wreck, I have turned to veganism and have found my health again. This is just a quick overview. As I go along I will go more into my history with abuse, anorexia, self harm, misdiagnoses, gastroparesis, the multiple times my life has been saved and what I am doing to further my own recovery.