Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Art of Unwell

Stop complaining to everyone how horrible your life is.

Being sick is really tough, but some of this stuff is meant to be worked out on your own. Or with a therapist if you so choose.

Certain diagnoses can be devastating! And an adjustment period is necessary, and grieving the loss of certain things you used to do or have and you cant any longer. That's normal and healthy.

That isn't what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about constant, over and over and over: I'm really sick. I'm really really sick" or the really annoying pseudo-altruistic "I have to go to admissions but my choice is to be with my loved one...I'll go in a few days"....this amplifies symptoms, and dallying didn't do any good. Something that could have been done in clinic in fifteen minutes now will send you to the ER and possibly admitted.

With a progressive illness, if you've been ungrateful for what you DO have...and you begin to lose more of your status in health and independence...you will be convinced that the world is against you. As is often exclaimed "I had nothing before, now look!".

Yup. I'm sorry. You lost more of your nothing. Terribly sorry.

If this sounds irritable it partly is. I know people who have their faculties about them with with an illness that is totally treatable. Their insurance will cover the cost. They get treated but never stop behaving like an invalid.

I grow curious at obvious amplification of some folks who are always in crisis and can't think of a single thing to be grateful for.

Today was beautiful. I got to ride in my friend's car and look at the trees, the lake. It was windows down weather. I haven't been outdoors for fun for eight months. It was fantastic!

I didn't tell you that I cannot walk. That MO Medicaid won't pay for firstline tx of AAG. Didn't mention I'm TPN dependant, that the immunosuppressants are causing painful edema so twisting the bottom of the bag is difficult....

You can be ill -- very, verry ill -- and not draw within yourself and make yourself miserable..because "nobody understands!"

Because I am struggling and it's been horrifically rough. But I make human contact. I do my best to invest time in others. I try very hard to be there (everyone needs someone).

Typing hurts and writing with a pen would be laughable. But I have stories writing themselves in my head. When the swelling abates the words will fly out of my hand in a tumbling flurry, whipping the reader and the author with a series of events that draw the breath oit of your chestand lends it to this veritable wind storm.

Once it's over...you may breathe again.

Don't let anything stop you.

Including yourself.

2 comments:

  1. True...I love your outlook...there is always something to be grateful for....just keep your head up....we all have problems but thats no use to stop living....I love your brain and thoughts....keep it up...love you <3

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