Friday, April 18, 2014

The Weight of the Wold

Moving again through stagnation. 

The promises, the wishes and hopes and prayers and cards and the beauty of what it is to love, and do so fiercely are the only fuel I have left in a world that has not given me any sign that the war is yet over...

Once, not so long ago, the Hebrew people were able to make the comfort of light last night after night...with so very little to work with.

Oh, how do these inexplicable miracles happen? And why so few?

My friend...we've yet so much to learn.

***

The gut rehabilitation project was dead before it even started, because I was again sent to the ER, and again was given enough IV painkillers that should immobilize other humans, leaving me to wonder if I ever was to belong here at all.

Where did I come from?

And I am hurting in a way that words cannot describe. If you take the misery out of horrible circumstances, you have something very unique indeed.

And that is what I have.

By all counts, I am going through a period in this life's walk that is bordering on dangerous -- only fools dare trod.

Or only the innovative...choose to find a way through.

So many names, so many faces. Have blockaded myself from the world without much insight myself as to why. Am I hiding out because I don't want anyone to see me this way? Am I keeping a low profile, perhaps, because this heart cannot help but break over the weight now of a string of losses I sustained last year?

Why so many questions?

I tuck it all away, put it on a shelf to store for later.

There will be a day to fume over why I got dealt the hand I have...

...but honestly I wouldn't trade this life for anything more than this.

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