That would be awesome.
- I believed in "The Power of Positive Thinking: I like to think that I make well informed, educated decisions. I like to think that if I have read a book by, say....Eckhart Tolle...that I wouldn't be so foolish as to apply some of his principals in lieu of my doctor's medical advice. But I did! I wonder at times why my treatment team lets me make horrible decisions without demanding my enrollment in an asylum, as I am clearly demonstrating that I am temporarily insane. For instance, the third week of March the doctor who follows my nutrition and gauges my hydration needs wanted me to run just water at 10cc/hour. The first and second nights were just horrible. I could not sleep and I started to vomit. So I had a great idea: I would run formula instead. What was my logic? I thought that perhaps my body was putting out excessive amounts of bile because it was expecting nutrition, but upon receiving only water it was slapping me in the...gut. This theory had about zero basis is reality. Really, zero. I made this up our of nowhere. I was aware that I had made this up out of nowhere. So the third night I started Vital 1.2 AF at 10cc/hour and by the 8th hour I was not just vomiting but gagging odd colors that I was not aware one's body secretions could morph into. MY BRIGHT IDEA WAS TO TURN THE RATE UP AND SHUT MY TPN OFF. WHY?! Why would I do this to myself?! The answer: I don't remember. I don't remember, and then I ended up in hospital...that was the admission that turned up the IBD (inflammatory bowel disease) flare and started the steroid regimen.
- I disconnected my gastric decompression system: Why would I do this? It's unsightly, and I didn't feel like it. More irresponsible crap. I just didn't want to. Maybe my body would just get over it by not complying with the demands of constant decompression. Know what happened? I vomited. Who didn't see that coming? To be honest, no one saw the consequence coming. I actually ended up vomiting so much I was hospitalized for hyponatremia, severe dehydration (and I was running at the time TPN formula that was 3L in size), and the usual nausea/pain control. This should have been my wake-up call. I should have realized that not only can I not use my GI tract...for anything...but I cannot even go without gastric decompression. Ergo, I should not, not not put anything into my stomach (remember, the tube I used for feeding goes into my small intestine...now it's just sort of hanging out). But no...no...I can't foresee bad things happening when I want something badly enough
- I ate for a few days: You already know this one. I still ran my TPN, but I added food to the mix because I clearly don't know what gut failure means. Gut failure cannot possibly mean that those organs have ceased to function...right? Who does this happen to?